Monday, 19 January 2015

Silly irritations of female life.

So after yet another moment where my day ends with me having to throw yet another pair of tights into the bin, laddered legs is one thing & I don't mind depending on my attire for that day, but when the ladders & holes are at your toes it is the most irritating experience ever, so it got me thinking about the things that are a little irritating about being female, about the silliness that can come with the insane female world of fashion, preening, even shower routines & yes at times sex - there are lots of categories & moments.

Quick & vital clarification though - I love fashion, I love being girlie & secretly perhaps I slightly love the silliness of preening routines; it's a constant in a regularly far from constant life. 

So what are some of these things?

* The world of hair removal: so let's be honest we all have to do it & not a little bit but all the damn time! The possibilities are numerous; waxing, sugaring, shaving, tweezing, lasers, using an epilator, threading. . .  you get the idea. The warmer the weather the faster the hair grows back which is a tad infuriating, then there are the ghastly risks of ingrown hairs, you have to make sure you have exfoliated & heaven help you don't pay concentration, you risk either cutting yourself with a razor or boiling yourself with hot wax. Showers would save more water if it was not for hair maintenance & let's be honest does anyone massively enjoy waxing sessions? It hurts, it really hurts & often bikini waxes will leave to a selection of bleeding moments.

* Laddering tights: stands to reason that this would have to feature after throwing away yet another pair before I sat down to this. You have three choices with the world of tights; always carry a spare pair in your bag (good in theory not always remembered in practise) or just hope you don't get ladders or accept them as a part of your life, potentially a fairly regular
part. Some shoes create endless toe holes, some clothes or bags or even public furniture create snags or you are in a rush & pull them up & on a little too fast, even more likely is this to happen when you think you are buying a certain type of denier & actually that shop in question is telling fibs & their denier is a hole lot lower.

* Blisters: you have on an amazing pair of shoes, potentially a new pair or a pair you weirdly haven't worn in a while so you put them on & very quickly it begins the excruciating pain that is the beginnings of blisters. You will between the ages of 13 & further go through an utterly ludicrous number of plasters; fabric, clear, bright blue, blister plasters, every variety. You will also end up with feet that are slowly but surely changing shape or have scars from blisters & all in the name of shoes that look incredible.

* Smears: got to be done & I mean GOT TO BE DONE they are really important, but up until that first letter drops on to your doormat you live in harmonious bliss of the ignorant variety. Then you get it & you make the appointment & from that moment on every 3 years you have to make the appointments & trek your way off to lie on your back, legs in stirrups, butt naked from the waist down, whilst a nurse shines basically a floodlight at your foof & scraps away in circles with a magic scraping brush to the count of 4 & if you are me, or like me, you stare at the ceiling whilst making atrocious small talk to try to make the reality not the reality. Also is it just me or do you end up 'prepping & preening' prior to these appointments, wearing the good knickers & making sure your are 'maintained' & tidy?

* Lipstick on teeth: how can you check, recheck & all is fine then smile & have a friend or worse a stranger tell you that you have lipstick on your teeth? It's a strange mystery of life & one that is just irritating, yet let's be honest would we ever give up the lipsticks we love to prevent the risk of teeth smudge?

* Kirby grips/bobbie pins: we buy them, we lose them, we buy them again, we lose them again, we use them to a ridiculous level - they are crucial to daily life & to helping bad hair days or guaranteeing good hair days remain so. Yet they end up in the hoover, the washing machine, making holes in clothes, bottom of bags, getting lost left, right & centre. So we buy more, then when we are tidying we find that the thousands that we have lost have been multiplying into greater thousands & are just everywhere!

So there we are, there are some of the bug bares & silly irritations that come with female daily life, others could obviously include; the fear of queefing, foot maintenance - rough, split heels are not ideal, hormone induced spots (as if hormones won't bad enough we also get skin of doom), the constant risk of VPL - when was the last time guys had to pick underwear carefully for their chosen outfit? Pelvic floor exerices; oh how lovely & if you don't do them can you imagine at what point a cough will become a leak?

What would you add to your list?

Pictures courtesy of we heart it. 

1 comment:

  1. To be fair you don't *have* to do hair removal (I've been too lazy to shave my legs for the past month or so, no one sees them anyway xD). Though that might just be me being me. Smears terrify me, I'm dreading my letter next year. STI check ups also terrify me, but I'm due one of those too. *sigh* Being a grown up is HARD.

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